Passed my driving test guys!
How, I'll never know; I'd have failed me quite frankly.
With 9 minors, it was still a way to go until the 15 minors that would constitute a fail. But still, i think i'd have deserved more.
It started off with the independent drive. "Turn right out of the test centre and follow the signs for Totnes" I was told. Turning right out of the test centre was fine, finding the signs for Totnes on the other hand was not. About 5 minutes later he told me to pull over and said I'd taken a wrong turn about 30 seconds after leaving the test centre... He then told me to follow signs for Teignmouth. Inside i go "YAARSHSHS!" I live in Teignmouth, I've driven back from Newton, home LOADS of times... Didn't stop me from misreading the road markings and ending up in the wrong lane and unable to merge in... I end up in a part of Newton I'd never been before...
He tells me that where I am is not on any of the test routes and that he'll have to make it up on the spot for the rest of the test.
Only a minute later he pulls me over and it's time for the hill start. Having been bullied into 'over-the-top-checking-around-me-before-pulling-off' by my instructor for a good 8 months I do just that; failing to notice that I'm still indicating to the left and probably more importantly that I'm in neutral...
I swear to God I found the bite. Swear to God. But no, I take the hand break off and go rolling off down the hill. So it's break hard and hand break back on. "Lets try that again shall we" comes the tired sounding examiner as he scrawls in red pen again; it hasn't yet left his hand.
After this I was pretty sure I'd failed and just drove. The maneuver went okay (a reverse round corner, for those interested) and although we didn't do an emergency stop as such, an old lady tripping into the road with a pushchair constituted me doing and almost emergency stop anyway...
Drove round an industrial estate for about 20 minutes - pulled into the test centre - he told me I'd passed, - went home :)
People excited for Eurovision tomorrow?!
Until next time xx
Friday, 25 May 2012
Friday, 18 May 2012
Granted, it is similar to the Gil Gerard speech
(Not that I have a clue who Gil Gerard is, just that on Family Guy that line is used when Peter is going over a point that he's obviously made in the past. This blog was of something cliche enough for everyone to switch off; gays get a hard time, we get it, go away; but still I wanted to raise a couple of points.)
It's hard enough to find someone who reciprocates those feelings in the best of times. When the other guy's straight, it's harder; when you can't tell if the other guy is gay or not, then it's even harder. It's that verge of building expectation ('cause what gets you from day to day if not that) and at the same time restricting it in preparation for a "more than just the natural assumption he's straight" sign.
Which brings me onto the topic of what is LOVE and liking someone anyway. In my relatively short time about this place, I've already come to the completly nihilistic conclusion that love isn't really there; if you'll let me:
Social monogamy is a social expectance, (only look at a Jeremy Kyle to see that when people deviate, the rest of the pack start spitting) and aside from this the biological and evolutionary advantages include: avoiding unprotected members by pairing everyone up; ensuring offspring have two guardians and minimising the spread of sexual infections by retaining sexual partners. With this in mind it seems appropriate that subconsciously we need a strong bond with someone else, to maintain group structure and protection of offspring. Now I can't argue that love is ENTIRELY the product of fulfilling the need to pair up for evolutionary protection.
But it is true that a lot of what love begins as is playground gossip: DID YOU KNOW MISS X FANCYS YOU?! stems from the finding of one self's identity away from parents, growing up and breaking the boundaries on "taboo" subjects of which relationships (which ALWAYS tend towards sex) comes under. It's that juicy gossip that helps anneal social links, orders status on the playground and gives people that buzz when talking about - celeb magazines say it all. The need of people to buy that absolute shit weekly shows to an extent still our desire to indulge in slight taboo subjects. Love comes from in part an unconscious attempt to make ourselves more interesting; give us something to talk about - to make a stir around us, and get attention from it.
On tele we see every character has a crush on someone else and in the world too, everyone is paired up, or hunting for someone to pair up with. We conform.
Which brings me onto the next part; projecting. This is where I think most of my own personal experiences (last bit has sounded pretty snobby D: sorry, not sure how to word it differently and still get the message across) come in.
Partly to fill these social pressures, we find someone and make them our one; subconsciously usually, but more generally anyone who fits varying criteria; sexually attractive, kind, funny, you get the drill. When thinking of that person, you amplify their qualities ridiculously, seeing only of them what you want, to emphasise your image of them (much like a journalist will selectively 'hear' bits of a story to dramatise it). And your image of them? Is based around the qualities you feel you lack, for me, confidence, popularity whilst maintaining characteristics you like about yourself too.
The point is though, most of the time these things are only ever imagined; looked over because of availability (for gay people especially), the "minimal effort" principle, settling for someone who really isn't fitting, but they're a relationship (sex) in the end.
The point of this is that Love, in sense, is not the magical-spiritual fancy shmancy happening. Almost anyone will do for almost everyone else in the end. It can seemingly be put right down to biological, sociological psychological and availability phenomenon.
But don't get me wrong, I'm not against it at all; I'm just a bit of a mechanist. I appreciate all the social, physical, emotional and financial benefits of loving relationships, but just think they should be built around people who you get along with better than any one else - generally best friends. Which would involve more same-sex living arrangements come in, like sharing at Uni, only more permanent. If you can live with a wife then a best friend would be even better. Think it would be healthier if society felt it necessary to love the people they shared a child with? It's a child who'll do just as well in another (but more stable) environment - living with friends. 21st century and we still live in small small units based around sex... Getting along is surely better than the high-divorce prone/domestic abuse filled "modern" family.
Love in the husband-wife sense fails in modern life without the clammy hand of God round peoples' necks to keep them together. A new approach of friendship groups seems more apt, with a platonic love/respect; which would avoid all the issues around 'Love' love - insecurity, inefficiency; the need to constantly validate and qualify each other...
Sex is sex, and why should living environment be built around it other than for easy availability? Happiness and lack of nagging (forcing together socially expected couples who fall apart) seems the next stage in social liberation.
If people can think of any aspect of love that can't be explained in some way by these points or other psycho-social points then please let me know and I might stop being such a bore :)
Some links for fun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn9981-instant-expert-love.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnbnmoDm1R0
If you haven't already got it, I'm writing this in a vague attempt to satisfy myself unto the fact that I'm not with anyone and am okay with that.
Finding excuses to justify me not telling people how I feel nor actively looking for someone.
Thanks for listening. xx
It's hard enough to find someone who reciprocates those feelings in the best of times. When the other guy's straight, it's harder; when you can't tell if the other guy is gay or not, then it's even harder. It's that verge of building expectation ('cause what gets you from day to day if not that) and at the same time restricting it in preparation for a "more than just the natural assumption he's straight" sign.
Which brings me onto the topic of what is LOVE and liking someone anyway. In my relatively short time about this place, I've already come to the completly nihilistic conclusion that love isn't really there; if you'll let me:
Social monogamy is a social expectance, (only look at a Jeremy Kyle to see that when people deviate, the rest of the pack start spitting) and aside from this the biological and evolutionary advantages include: avoiding unprotected members by pairing everyone up; ensuring offspring have two guardians and minimising the spread of sexual infections by retaining sexual partners. With this in mind it seems appropriate that subconsciously we need a strong bond with someone else, to maintain group structure and protection of offspring. Now I can't argue that love is ENTIRELY the product of fulfilling the need to pair up for evolutionary protection.
But it is true that a lot of what love begins as is playground gossip: DID YOU KNOW MISS X FANCYS YOU?! stems from the finding of one self's identity away from parents, growing up and breaking the boundaries on "taboo" subjects of which relationships (which ALWAYS tend towards sex) comes under. It's that juicy gossip that helps anneal social links, orders status on the playground and gives people that buzz when talking about - celeb magazines say it all. The need of people to buy that absolute shit weekly shows to an extent still our desire to indulge in slight taboo subjects. Love comes from in part an unconscious attempt to make ourselves more interesting; give us something to talk about - to make a stir around us, and get attention from it.
On tele we see every character has a crush on someone else and in the world too, everyone is paired up, or hunting for someone to pair up with. We conform.
Which brings me onto the next part; projecting. This is where I think most of my own personal experiences (last bit has sounded pretty snobby D: sorry, not sure how to word it differently and still get the message across) come in.
Partly to fill these social pressures, we find someone and make them our one; subconsciously usually, but more generally anyone who fits varying criteria; sexually attractive, kind, funny, you get the drill. When thinking of that person, you amplify their qualities ridiculously, seeing only of them what you want, to emphasise your image of them (much like a journalist will selectively 'hear' bits of a story to dramatise it). And your image of them? Is based around the qualities you feel you lack, for me, confidence, popularity whilst maintaining characteristics you like about yourself too.
The point is though, most of the time these things are only ever imagined; looked over because of availability (for gay people especially), the "minimal effort" principle, settling for someone who really isn't fitting, but they're a relationship (sex) in the end.
The point of this is that Love, in sense, is not the magical-spiritual fancy shmancy happening. Almost anyone will do for almost everyone else in the end. It can seemingly be put right down to biological, sociological psychological and availability phenomenon.
But don't get me wrong, I'm not against it at all; I'm just a bit of a mechanist. I appreciate all the social, physical, emotional and financial benefits of loving relationships, but just think they should be built around people who you get along with better than any one else - generally best friends. Which would involve more same-sex living arrangements come in, like sharing at Uni, only more permanent. If you can live with a wife then a best friend would be even better. Think it would be healthier if society felt it necessary to love the people they shared a child with? It's a child who'll do just as well in another (but more stable) environment - living with friends. 21st century and we still live in small small units based around sex... Getting along is surely better than the high-divorce prone/domestic abuse filled "modern" family.
Love in the husband-wife sense fails in modern life without the clammy hand of God round peoples' necks to keep them together. A new approach of friendship groups seems more apt, with a platonic love/respect; which would avoid all the issues around 'Love' love - insecurity, inefficiency; the need to constantly validate and qualify each other...
Sex is sex, and why should living environment be built around it other than for easy availability? Happiness and lack of nagging (forcing together socially expected couples who fall apart) seems the next stage in social liberation.
If people can think of any aspect of love that can't be explained in some way by these points or other psycho-social points then please let me know and I might stop being such a bore :)
Some links for fun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn9981-instant-expert-love.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnbnmoDm1R0
If you haven't already got it, I'm writing this in a vague attempt to satisfy myself unto the fact that I'm not with anyone and am okay with that.
Finding excuses to justify me not telling people how I feel nor actively looking for someone.
Thanks for listening. xx
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